This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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