i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
