its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
