Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
