We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
