There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
