girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
