it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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