Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
