The best revenge is premature balding
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
