You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
