Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
