3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I puked a lego.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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