is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
