I love black thongs
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
