and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
