Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
