i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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