gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
