Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
