I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
