it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
