just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
