Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
