Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
