Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
