just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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