He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
