i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
