Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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