I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My balls are so social today.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
