if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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