Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
