At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
