He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
