idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
