Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
