I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The convent might be a nice break from real life
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
