I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
