She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
