dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
