discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
