I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
