youre lurking in front of me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
