You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
