I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
