You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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