pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
