there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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