No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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