i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
