Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
