my phone needs a breathalizer
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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